Love Letter

I'm headed down to Oregon to pick you up, daughter. You've been gone for a week and a half spending super fun time with your aunties, grandma and sisters. I miss you like crazy and I know you're homesick, too. I love the pictures of your trip! Some on facebook, some in email. Just a couple months ago I remember talking to a friend's 12 year old who seemed so grown, so teen-like and thinking, "we're nowhere close to that. Must be because she's just turned 11. We have plenty of time before my little girl goes teenage." 

As I look at the pictures and get email updates from grandma, I realize I'm wrong. We are on the edge. This is the summer everything is changing. Your "monthly visitor" has started and you've always been mature for your age. So I want to tell you some things. 

You are amazing. You can be whomever, whatever you want to be. You're smart and funny, brilliant and creative, witty and beautiful. You're beginning to look like a young woman, though sometimes I still see you as about 4 years old, hanging onto the years. You're brave and strong, adventurous and fun. You are things I wish I was. Sometimes you're right and I'm wrong. Sometimes I hang on too tightly, but it's not because I don't trust you, I just love you so much. I would sacrifice everything I am to protect you forever from harm or hurt. I'm so incredibly proud of the young woman you are. I believe you could change the world. Your generous heart and love for others is inspiring. So again, you can be whomever, whatever you want! 

However... If you just want to be little, you can. If you want to chase ducks and ride bikes, and not worry about shaving legs or makeup, you can! If you want snuggles, let's! I will kiss your face and call you boo boo as long as you'll let me. You are at a special time where you're a beautiful, capable young woman and still my sweet little girl. Enjoy this time of your life as it will be so many of your best memories. You can be whatever you want, my little love. I'm so immensely proud of you. 

Love you forever, boo boo. 

Better Than You

Lately I've been thinking about attitudes.  Quite frequently I notice an attitude where people feel they are so much better than other people; they can’t help but spew out their thoughts and opinions, no matter how negative or insulting, so freely.

A summary of my thoughts and opinions: I am a Christian.  I believe in Jesus and I love my gay friends.  (I mention this because some people think you can't do both for some odd reason.) My Facebook page is full of positivity; no drama or likewise garbage. I believe in maintaining a positive attitude and giving to others.  I am certainly nowhere close to perfect, but I believe in striving to be a person who can sleep at night because I’m OK with my actions; because I strive to be kind, honest and loving.

When I came across this article it irritated me.  Then it made me angry.  Then it made me sad.  Irritated me because, well, what a closed minded study to perform.  Made me angry because they used innocent children to prove a point that in the end of the article they state may not even be valid based on the fact that they didn't account for any other variables in their research.  Here is the article: Religious Children Struggle to Separate Fact from Fiction.

Finally, it made me sad for so many reasons.  I have to ask why – why is this an important area of research?  Why is this a priority in our society?  Because when I think about society truly not understanding the difference between fact and fiction, many other events come to mind.  Allow me to provide examples.

We have video evidence of several events where shoppers step right over the bodies of inured fellow humans to get to the black Friday sale, or even through a gas station convenience store.  We have young adults who don’t understand that clubbing every weekend, black out drunkenness and recreational drug use is not a productive lifestyle.  We have grown adults posing as pretend people online for fear of what could happen if they just be themselves.  There are people who sexually assault, murder and abuse as a hobby.  A commercial airliner was recently shot out of the sky with a missile.  We often demand societal perfection women and misogyny from men.  Over 30 children’s theme park workers were recently arrested for child abuse or child pornography.  These are situations where people are unable to distinguish fact from fiction; life from fantasy; dream from reality; no thoughts given to action versus consequence.

So, forgive me, if I feel OK about a child thinking Aslan (Chronicles of Narnia) might be real. First of all, it is a CHILD.  Secondly, I’d much rather a child believe in a fictional, heroic lion than unrealistic society standards.  When did we become more upset about how children exposed to religion view stories (15,000+ comments on one of many Facebook sites that published it) than the IRS email cover up (288+ comments), a violent carjacking (238+ comments), yet another plane completely missing (877+ comments) or an accidental beach death (3,127 comments, most of which were mocking the actions of a deceased man)?

The priorities of society have become sickening.  We all think we are so much better than our neighbors.  Clearly we are better and more important than poor, accidental beach death man; better than our neighbor who’s car we want to steal; better than our neighbor’s political beliefs, better than our neighbor who has a different income or who doesn't party like we do, better than our neighbor who is gay; better than our neighbor who finds hope & faith in religion.  We preach tolerance and hand out judgment.  Scream equality and throw hatred.  I’d love for us to lay down our pride, what we think we know and try to find a way to LOVE someone, one day at a time.  Find a way to love someone who isn't just like us.  Reach a hand to someone in love rather than condemnation or judgment.  This is a message for everyone, not just one side of the coin. It is time to TRULY be better; and that only happens in love.

The BIG Clean Out:

And how I can make yours easier - 

keep reading until the end!

I've known for a while that I needed to do a big clean out in my apartment.  There are empty boxes and pieces of furniture that need to go to the recycle or a new home leering at me from my den.  There are random items on my kitchen counter that need a home in the already full cupboard (I have a small kitchen).  There are so many large piles of laundry taunting me from my bedroom and my daughter’s.  Porches to be swept, carpet stains that need to be removed, blinds to be dusted… And since I’ve had 13 weeks off of work, you’d think I would have gotten to all this plus more, but I haven’t.  Let me tell you – the rest is irreplaceable. 

But that all had to come to an end recently.  I did a major overhaul on my huge IKEA 25 cube shelf.  Everything in a container and only the things I wanted to keep remain.  While my little one was at camp I cleaned her room top to bottom and did all her taunting piles of laundry. I made a pile of the clothes she’d outgrown and that she no longer wore to give away.  Her room looked so fantastic I decided mine needed the same treatment.

Now…my room was like a complete disaster area.  It has been since I was a kid.  For some reason it is the one part of my place that is always “under construction,” or at least that’s the justification I use for keeping it so messy.  ;)  I decided I needed to make a BIG change in the way I keep my room.  Because when it’s tidy, I LOVE IT!  Several weeks ago I bought a beautiful bedding set and fluffy mattress topper.  A few months before that I inherited a beautiful armoire with a great HDTV inside and purchased a ROKU to go along with it (I’d never had a TV in my room before; I had previously been against it when I was married, but hey, I’m single!)  These were all encouragement to clean it up so I could enjoy spending time in it!

Somewhere on Facebook I’d read an article about Project 33.  Long story short it helps you build a minimalistic “capsule wardrobe” with about 33 pieces.  It is an intimidating goal, but one of the statements on the website said perhaps if you can’t get down to 33, you can consider getting rid of 33 items.  And thus, my inspiration!

Yesterday I ran wildly through my room, picking pieces of clothing that no longer fit (too big and too small), were out of style, hadn’t been worn since I can remember, items purchased on clearance just because it was a good deal but have never been worn and I made a pile!  My pile turned into two, they got larger, kept expanding. I included all the baseball caps I don’t wear, handbags I’ve hung onto for too long, bedding I’d retired that would likely never be used again, extra old pillows that had accumulated, shoes that were lingering unnecessarily – and it was SO exciting thinking of how much simpler my life would be without all this extra, unnecessary stuff!  I stopped counting after 33 and what I ended up with was 11 large garbage bags and a 20 gallon bin full of stuff ready to go!  I have just a couple of loads of laundry to do now and I am LOVING IT!  I’m excited to expand my big, minimizing clean out to the rest of my apartment!  I can’t BELIEVE I had that much stuff to get rid of!

Do you know what the worst part about cleaning out is?  Toting everything in bags and boxes from my place, to my car to the donation center.  I don’t know why, I just can’t stand it.  It feels like I’ve done all this work just to do MORE work.  Ugh!  But here I am to save your day!  If you are in my local area (Tacoma, Auburn, Federal Way, Kent-ish) I have an amazing opportunity for you.  It will help you clean out and it will help the community.  All the items will either go to thrift stores that are low on donations or will go to developing nations/third world countries.  And when you give this way, it will help fundraise for one of the best kids I’ve ever met.  Her name is Emery, she’s 15 and she’s on a college exposure competitive softball team – and she’s GOOD!  Her goal is to achieve a scholarship to play softball in college.  She’s in advanced classes, she’s an excellent student with a high homework load who still maintains her high GPA and competes as a competitive softball player.  Playing on a competitive team gets very expensive and as the child in a single parent household those expenses add up quickly.  Emery is paid by the pound for your donations and this supplements tournaments and other expenses.  If you’re local, she is able to pick up your donation – cutting out my least favorite part of transporting all those heavy bags to the store on my own.  See!  WIN – WIN!  Contact jenemy2@gmail.com for the information you need to arrange a pick up and get to cleaning out!! Also, see below for a list of accepted items.

Accepted items:

Clothing, shoes, handbags, wallets, bedding, pillows, backpacks, soft sided luggage, towels, hats, scarves, gloves, linens, accessories, anything you can wear on your person.

Attitudes: Entitlement

Lately I've been wondering about attitudes.  I’ll be driving down the road thinking about things to write about it and I realized there are so many unsavory attitudes I can only write about one at a time.  I struggled with which attitude bothers me most and I've decided that the attitude of entitlement ties into so many of the other unsavory attitudes I've encountered lately.

The definition of entitlement is having the right to have, do or get something.  The problem with entitlement is that most often; one does NOT have the right to have, do or get something. 

Allow me to provide examples.  My 11 year old daughter and I have season passes to our local water park.  The park is, of course, full of people toddler to adult ages.  At the park you may rent inner tubes rather than use the regular tubes.  This allows you to often bypass a line and hop right into the attraction.  3 summers ago, I rented 2 tubes for myself and my daughter.  We walked up a billion stairs to the slide complex and she desperately wanted to go down FIRST!  So she did!  As soon as the life guard gave me the OK, I followed behind.  Once I exited the curly, fun tube, I looked up to see her standing on the exit stairs with a bewildered, pained look on her face.  I pulled myself out of the water, noticed there was not tube in her hands and asked, “What’s wrong, boo? What happened?”  She proceeded to tell me that a teen-aged girl walked up to her and grabbed her tube, she tried to hang onto it but couldn't and the girl ran away.  So a teen-aged young woman, stole the rental inner tube of an 8 year old girl who was left in tears, while a lifeguard stood right next to her and did nothing.  (And before you ask, the rental tubes are an entirely separate color and marked with RENTAL on them, no mix up.) 

Just last week we rented a cabana with friends; its private, roped off and comes with rental tubes.  The tubes sit next to the cabana until you’re ready to use them.  While all the kids were in the wave pool, my friend and I were chatting in the cabana, unseen to the teenager who hopped through the ropes and grabbed our tubes.  I jumped up, ran out and said, “No. Put it back now.”  My friend was much more tactful, “Those are rental tubes; please return them to the lawn.”  And they did and then ran off.

Last summer, we had 2 gentlemen in their early twenties take advantage of the kindness I showed when I allowed them to place their bags near ours at our chairs poolside.  Long story short, they attempted to “take over” our chairs, lay their wet persons on our items and refuse to move.  They soon learned not to “poke the mama bear” as I verbally convinced them to remove themselves from my area and soon thereafter had them removed from the park after their friend approached me in a drunken mess, calling me every swear word in the book and making my child cry.

I understand that chairs and inner tubes are completely unimportant, but I want to expose this attitude of entitlement. You are not OWED an inner tube.  You are not OWED chairs.  You are not owed anything, from anybody, no matter how much you want it.  We exist by grace alone.  Entitlement is a product of selfishness.  We must begin to teach our children to be selfless.  We must begin to teach them an attitude of serving and loving, to combat this entitlement.  They must understand that earning something is GOOD and taking things that are not yours is BAD.  And for some reason, we are failing so many of them in this teaching.  Is it because we are afraid?  Are we afraid to say no; or like the lifeguard, afraid to get too involved?  When did we stop standing up for what is right?  Why does it feel like handing kindness to others is out of the ordinary or when you do you are putting yourself at risk?  Why have I been asked repeatedly to write blogs about kindness – is it so abnormal to be kind in our world?

These attitudes extend to all walks, all areas of life.  Next time you see a saying like, “Surround yourself with people that fan your flame,” remember that yours is not the only flame.  If you fan other’s flames, you will be surrounded by people reciprocating.  When you are kind, you will receive kindness – not from everyone, the disease of entitlement is still rampant.  But as we lay down our selfish wants, we will become a happier person.  Do not abuse those around you with your attitude of selfish entitlement.  Love those around you, be kind.  If you ask gently, most of us will let you borrow our tubes, or perhaps even bless you with your own.

My First Yoga Experience

Trying to Get Healthy:

My First Yoga Experience

I am the first to admit: I really need to get healthy.  I have venous dermatitis, I’m overweight, and I’m tired too often.  No denial here, ladies & gentlemen!

My massage therapist (and awesome friend) says, “You should really be doing yoga.”  My amazing hair stylist (and awesome friend) says, “You can borrow my yoga for beginners!”  Well, great, then!  I’m on my way.

The yoga for beginners DVD sits on my entertainment center; creating a rectangular, dust free zone and sings to me its gentle reminder for about 4 weeks.  One day, I remember its gentle song and order a yoga mat on amazon with next day shipping.  My mat arrives and all day I remind myself, “It is yoga day. You’re DOING yoga today.”  So once I get everything else on my list completed or started, I decide its yoga time!

I lay out my mat, fill my new water bottle, don my stretchy apparel…this is where I should add there is a very good reason I’m having my first yoga experience at home, alone.  Primarily, this reason is the stretchy apparel.  I mean, let’s be honest – nobody needs to see everything I’ve got going on draped in spandex. 

Ok, back to setting the scene.  Mat, water bottle, spandex is draped and I’ve got my box fan going.  Because it’s July in Washington and we’re having a “heat wave” and it’s about 80 degrees in my apartment.  Once I actually find the DVD remote that I’ve tucked away because last week my best friend had her 3 kids under 6 years old at my house, I begin to sift through a variety of yoga experiences from my TV screen.

They all sound so inviting, so I choose “wake up the spine.”  3 poses in I realize I’m way out of my league.  My 80 degree clammy hands are sliding on my new mat, creating poses that don’t exist, I’m mumbling under my breath…ok not true, I’m full on talking to the lady with the weird accent on the TV, we’re having a discussion, “what the heck are my sits bones, how am I supposed to push my hands this way in my sweat and still push my hips without actually moving??  What do you mean I need to ‘focus on the quality of my torso on my thighs’?  Woman, what are you talking about?!”  3 minutes in and I’m done.  I take it back to the main menu, ready to pop that DVD out and pretend like I actually did something today even though I just got in a one sided argument with a lady who sounds a bit like a southern serial killer with that accent and calm, creepy voice.

I gather myself.  I choose a much shorter experience.  It’s called “get up and go,” sounds perfect.  This is more my pace, I can tell already.  She’s moving slower and more fully explaining the poses. I’ve dried my sweaty hands and things are going more smoothly.  I’m still annoyed with her voice and telling her how my body parts don’t naturally rest upon the body parts she’s mentioning.  I wonder if she’s an alien.

The last 5 minutes of the 15 I spend with Clementine (it’s what I’ve named her) is quite lovely.  She keeps talking to me about how my butt should be resting on my heels and for the first moment, it is actually touching my heels!  I debate about whether my butt just got bigger or I loosened my muscles and I decide it’s the muscles, probably.  I tell Clementine that I’m feeling more adept now and I think I can improve if I continue to try this daily.  She agrees.  She tells me to return to my sitting position and then it’s over.  Wait…come back, Clementine…I feel like we were just getting to know each other.  She reminds me (via the on screen menu) that she does offer a PM yoga routine as well and I have plenty of day left.

So I am still draped in spandex, about to make dinner, thinking of Clementine and excited to see her again; thus, my first yoga experience.

You Take the Lead; I'll Sing Your Backup.

My daughter’s name is Ashley, she’s just turned 11 and she’s one of the funniest and brightest people I know.  She’s so fun to hang out with its ridiculous.  Today we were driving down the freeway, singing car karaoke to Royals, by Lorde.  Ash has a great voice.  Seriously, not mom bias here; she has a really good voice!  She’s soulful with this crazy vibrato that comes out periodically.  So here we are singing along.  There are so many harmonies; I say to her, “Ash, take the lead, I’ll sing your backup!”  And she does.  And she loves it.  Suddenly she’s not just sitting shotgun in our little Nissan Versa.  She’s on stage, rockin’ out for thousands of adoring fans.  She’s checking herself out in the side mirror.  Yep, still adorable!  I love watching her SHINE! 

And so it is in life.  I love watching her shine.  She’s so smart and talented and funny and beautiful.  She has dreams bigger than I ever dared to dream at her age.  She still doesn't limit herself to what others think she can do.  When I tell her she can be totally be a forensic anthropologist if she wants to – she just may not be assigned a hot FBI agent named Booth – she believes me.  She CAN do it. 

So this is where I live; in a constant state of singing backup for the coolest girl I know.  Take the lead, little girl.  Run with your dreams, live your adventures.  Mommy will always be right here.  Loving you, supporting you, singing your backup.

A Workplace How to Guide: How to Read A Credit Card Number

How to Read a Credit Card Number:
A Workplace How to Guide

I have held a variety of interesting jobs since my first job, daycare assistant, 19 years ago at age 15.  I have worked with children at daycare, children at the McDonald’s Play Place (and their kids…), a teacher’s union, an auto parts store, several chiropractic offices, an engineering firm, and a big, neighborly insurance company.  I’ve encountered children and adults throwing fits, people in extreme pain, people in a hurry, people that don’t know how to work their computers, smart people, less than smart people. I’ve had great questions, less than great questions and funny questions.

Now, I work in customer service for a company that provides basic services…you know, like heat and water.  And more than children throwing a fit, an insured whose car was totaled or home burned to the ground; I speak with very upset people on a daily basis.  Name calling, swearing and yelling can become “the usual” in this line of work.  And it's ok; I smile and use my “phone voice” in an attempt to calm them.  Now, you may be thinking I’m about to tell you how to be nice to your customer service representative – maybe on a later date.

Today, my primary directive is to explain HOW TO READ A CREDIT CARD NUMBER.  “But that’s so simple,” you may say.  No. Apparently it is not so simple.  Here is a list of several things that are unnecessary and/or just less than good ideas when reading your credit card number to your friendly customer service representative.

What Not to Do:

·         Turn into a robot.  That’s right – it’s unnecessary to use your awesome robot voice to read me your card number.  I understand people talk.  Beep beep boop beep.

·         Be a truck driver.   “Three – four – six – niner” Its ok to just say “nine”.  Promise.  Over and out.

·         When I ask, “Would you like to use a Visa or Mastercard?”  Don’t say, “Yes.”  Cause I actually need to know which one.  K, thanks.

·         Don’t spew out your card number, expiration date and CVV code before we ask for it – chances are we aren’t ready if we didn’t ask.  Nobody likes an over achiever.

·         When I say, “Ok, what is the card number?”  Don’t say:
     -  Oh I don’t know, let me go get it.  (Did you not know we were doing this right now?)
     -  Are you ready for the card number?  (Welp, I just asked for it so…yeah.)

·         Don’t read your card numbers 3 at a time.  That is nonsensical.  Also, no need to read them 2 at a time with a 30 second pause in between.  Just go ahead, 4 at a time, very brief pause, continue.

·         Lastly, don’t try to give us a fake card number.  There are a full 16 digits in the card.  Don’t give us your bank account number and tell us it’s a Visa.  Don’t tell us your expiration date is “ten,” then when we ask for the year say, “2012.”  C’mon, lady.  The only thing you’re helping me do right now is write a future blog.  You’re welcome.