We all have a specialty; a niche. We all have a
little something that we can do better than most people we know. We revel
secretly in the glory of our talents. We wear them like a badge of
honor. Often, these personal life accomplishments shine even in the
workplace. For some it’s their amazing style; putting together outfits so
perfect it’s like watching your coworker walk by draped in fine art. For
some it’s cooking. You are instantly jealous of their lunch leftovers as
the delicious scents waft from the break room microwave. For others,
their technical prowess elicits thoughts of phone upgrades and technological
advances as they wander the office with cell phones larger than their faces and
tablets that could soon take over the free world. They are partially
bionic, as though they’ve been assimilated.
Now we’ve come to the
ultimate talent that will be highlighted today: The Stealthy Selfie. You
know who you are. You are a master of selfies; a selfie ninja.
Nobody ever knows when you’re admiring yourself on your front facing cell phone
camera. You slyly apply lip gloss before gracing your Facebook page with
the latest in clandestine Cubicle Couture. You leave your coworkers in
awe wondering where they are during your complex photo shoots; how did you find
that lighting? Is that my cubicle in the background? How long has that
Starbucks cup been on my desk?
I have a coworker whom we shall call Zoey to protect
her identity. She does not possess the Stealthy Selfie gene. She’s
beautiful with a knack for style and adorable poses but she continuously gets
caught mid-selfie. Attempting to strike the perfect pose, she is
interrupted. Embarrassed, ashamed, she is the girl interrupted selfie
taker. Do you also suffer from this syndrome? Zoey and I have put
our heads together to come up with a comprehensive guide to help you meet your
selfie needs.
How to become: The Stealthy Selfie Taker.
- Turn off your shutter sound. Whether this means putting your phone on silent or downloading an entirely separate camera app, this step is imperative for a silent selfie.
- Memorize your coworkers break & lunch schedules. It’s difficult to be covert with Joe Coworker walking by (catching you in the act and offering to take said picture for you...) Practice the art of observation to find out when your peak selfie hours will be.
- Be a Boy Scout: come prepared. If you’re being interrupted mid selfie, perhaps you need to come ready for the game. Lip gloss on. Scarf perfectly coifed. These preparations will enable you to quickly snap that perfect pose.
- Know your angles. Get your “good side” practice it at home! This way you can avoid taking 26 pictures attempting to avoid double chin.
- Lighting, lighting! Your cubicle probably has a “sweet spot.” You know - that place where you can pose yourself perfectly as to avoid the glaring fluorescent lights that make your otherwise matte, lovely skin look like you’re sweating olive oil. Find the sweet spot, know it, and use it.
- Frame your photo. That’s right – avoid being photo bombed by my Starbucks cup, or what I’m doing on my computer or my giant blue purse. Unless your caption is going to say, “OMG, look at my crazy coworker’s giant blue purse, gaudy!” Which brings us to…
- Props! OMG, I totes had super good Starbucks today, see? Here I am with my cup. Or, I’m totes rockin’ my new earrings today, so adorbs. Make sure you’ve got your props ready to go, friends!
- Your dress is SO cute! And you NEED a full length selfie. This requires a full length mirror. Enter: the workplace restroom. Hopefully there is more than one. Your mission is to discover which one is occupied the least amount of time. Now you can covertly document that oh-so-cute outfit.
- Lastly – and this was discovered just today – don’t take a selfie mid-conversation. You WILL be caught!
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